A Travellerspoint blog

You Are Beautiful

How far are we willing to go to achieve our minds' notion of beauty?

When I was a teenager, my mom was about to pierce my ears at home, just as she had done with my sisters. I was scared and excited. She told me "Kung ibig lumandi, tiisin ang hapdi". I believed her words of wisdom and took some comfort in it. I was seated on top of our dining table so that my ears were at her eye level. I bit my lips and cringed as she positioned a potato behind my ear lobes. I closed my eyes and cringed as I felt the sterilized needle pass through, along with a thread that would keep the piercing open up until the wound healed and it would be safe to wear earrings. I was so tense but did not feel any pain. I was too numb. It was when my mom was already tidying the table up that I began to feel my ears go hot. This was the first time I experienced pain willingly in order to be more beautiful.

A few more "beauty" rituals I endured through the years were eyebrow plucking, waxing, threading and facials. For a time: wearing high heels, tight jeans, corsets, contact lenses... all to achieve what, in my eyes, looked beautiful.

My grandfather always told me that I was beautiful, but I didn't fully believe him. I always wanted to have big brown eyes - not my chinky ones. I snipped my eyelashes when I was nine because I thought it would grow longer. When I was 18, I wanted bigger boobs, a smaller waistline and round hips. I wanted to be someone who was more refined-looking than I was. It was not until I was in my late 20's that I embraced who I was and became contented with how I looked.

Just today, I chanced upon a news article and felt sad that an already beautiful woman passed away after having three cosmetic procedures done in one go. It pains me that that she may have felt that she needed those procedures done in order to feel better about herself.

It could be that our new standard of beauty is too much for the average Jane. Women and men alike feel pressured to conform with what society saysย  "beautiful" is. There are tons of makeup tutorials available online, diet plans and fashion tips. We have come to a point where "natural makeup" requires 3 shades of concealer, foundation, lipliner, nude lipstick, nude eyeshadow colors and highlighters. Whatever happened to "natural"? Don't get me wrong, I love makeup. I love playing with colors and enhancing my features as I see fit. I understand and get the feeling of being beautiful when you get dolled up. Cosmetic surgery however, is not for me.

Another news article I read was about a pretty actress who was bashed online because she posted a photo which showed her dark underarms. She had a nice comeback though. I applaud her for standing up for herself and being someone who is not ashamed of having dark underarms, which is something that most women have issues with. (Tip: if you want to naturally whiten your underarms, use calamansi and baking soda instead of the myriad of whitening products in the market. ๐Ÿ˜€ )ย 

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Bottomline is, we all have our own notion of what is beautiful, and naturally, we would want to achieve that kind of beauty that we have in mind. We don't have to undergo surgery to look pretty. We don't have to slap on the entire beauty bar on our faces to look attractive. Real beauty is obtained when we have truly accepted what we really look like. Beauty is you, your entire being. Learn to look a little deeper, a little further into that mirror, and tell yourself "I am beautiful". And you shall be.

Posted by GingerFerrer 08:57 Archived in Philippines Tagged women beauty cosmetic_surgery beauty_standards Comments (0)

Pictures of Happiness

My heart is happy. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

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Posted by GingerFerrer 06:05 Archived in Philippines Tagged women dragons cartoons lgbt live_life dragon_love Comments (0)

Start of Something Good

10 January 2017
For Gi

Behind your eyes i saw
A myriad of tears and hurt
It pains me to even think of
All you have ever been through.
In those pretty eyes,
You hid a world of fear
A place of regrets, anger,
Broken promises and goodbyes.
Now all I see is a flame
Burning ever so bright
Steady and strong
No more tears babe
Just let me stay with you
Our whole lives long.

Posted by GingerFerrer 04:52 Archived in Philippines Tagged love women lgbt Comments (0)

My Love for Her Scares Me

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I consider myself a veteran in the field of relationships.

I am a lesbian single mother of two kids with different fathers with a long history of unsuccesful relationships and trials in the love department. I've been very stubborn when I was young, and became even more so when I reached my 30's. I've had a 4 year relationship go to waste because of a 3rd party, survived an abusive relationship, broke up with a good guy because he was "too nice" for me, had a relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay, got involved with a lazy bastard, had my fair share of liars, badboys, badgirls and cheaters, and recently dumped someone who took me forgranted.

After this last one, i thought I'd given up on love altogether. That was until I met her. I wrote about her first in "Feeling the Vibes with Viber". Her name is Gi (I initially called her by her viber name, Joms) and today, we officially became girlfriends. She made me the happiest girl in the world with this text message:

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I was at SnR with my sister and daughter then and I couldn't stop smiling. The cheshire cats' grin would not have held a candle to mine.

I realized I loved her for a while now. We were just casual friends chatting away on viber and though it occured to me where this may have been leading, I didn't give it much thought until the time that she introduced me to her other friends on viber too. I started waking up excited to chat and talk with her. Her voice got stuck on my mind throughout the day. She's a good listener and an attentive conversationalist. She made by brains work. Then, she made my heart beat again.

We could go on talking up until the wee hours of the morning and I'd still be missing her once we put the phone down. This was a true sign for me that I was indeed in love with her. I never sacrificed sleep for friendly conversations before. She was so sweet, upfront and caring that I missed her everytime we weren't talking on the phone or texting.

She openly told me before that she cared for me and that she was exclusively entertaining only me, *BUT* she just wasn't ready to be in a relationship just yet. She'd just also been in a break-up and wasn't up to subjecting her heart to possible pain again. This hurt me. She said she'd rather that I have her whole, than broken. It hurt me even more. I wanted to take away her pain. If I could have absorbed every bit of hurt and suffering she was going through, I would have. I loved her this much. I haven't even met her personally and I was already into her this deep.

When we finally had our first date on 28 November 2016, we hit it off and then I knew, she was the one I had been waiting for. I understood then that all those relationships I've had in the past were just lessons that I needed to understand in order to prepare me for this awesome person. I needed to be hurt by others before, because this person will never do anything to intentionally hurt me. She has been through heartbreaks and some hellish relationships as well to prepare her for me.

I haven't been this attached to a person before and it scares me. I've never had someone treat me the way she does now. I can feel every ounce of love she has for me and I am simply overflowing with love for her. All the lines I've read about love that I considered corny and clichรฉ before, became very real to me. They had meaning, and I understood them. But I am scared. Scared of doing something that may hurt her. Scared of not doing something and end up disappointing her. Scared of not being good enough for her. Scared of the future. I know that one day, she will put all my fears to rest, but for now, my love for her scares me.

Posted by GingerFerrer 10:59 Archived in Philippines Tagged love relationships girlfriend lgbt broken_heart new_love moving_on Comments (0)

Sleep Sounds

For Gi

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27 Nov 16
11:15PM

Listening to background noises
Her cat meowing
Her soft breathing
Light snores and turning
She's tired from her day
I love you, I say

She wakes for a while
Gives a shower of kisses
Whispers she loves me too
Her words soothe me
In less than two months
I am hers completely
ย ....
I want to hug her
Touch her short hair
Smell her sheets and pillows
Be with her there
Give a tiny kiss
To her whom I miss

The stars are out
And i don't care
All i want is this one here
So near yet so far
But over the phone line
Two hearts are entwined

- Ginger

Posted by GingerFerrer 16:16 Archived in Philippines Tagged sleep women missing apart lgbt phone_love Comments (0)

Thoughts on Unrequited Love

Money Can't Buy Love

It may seem very romantic to look into rose colored glasses and love someone with all your heart and soul and you feel it doesn't matter if they love you back. Reality is very much different. It could be heart-breakingly unbearable to go through this type of pain, to have an unrequited love. You may grovel for days, weeks, months or years for a love that you know will never be yours. You'd torture yourself each day that passes and the object of your affection seems oblivious to your charms. This love may eat you alive, slowly, bringing you to the edge of insanity, on the brink of obession. It will cut deep everytime your beloved rejects you or sets you aside. This love will consume your entire being, leaving you with nothing but a sliver of what you used to be.

This may lead you to doing all sorts of crazy things. You'd do anything to impress your beloved. You may shower her with gifts, trinkets, attention. You may spend thousands just to make an impression on her and none of these will work. Not if she really isn't into you. Money can't buy you love my friend. It may be good enough for fake friends and gold diggers, but real people won't fall for that. So, you are left with nothing but your shattered heart and dark thoughts.

People handle pain differently. Some would face it head on and fight till the end. Some would give up and look for amusement elsewhere once the initial pain has worn off. Still, a handful would become so desperate that they would choose to end it by taking their own lives.

My friend, ending your life because your beloved refuses to love you is not a way out of pain. An attempt to take your own life is an act of selfishness and cowardice. Yes, that's what you are. A selfish coward. Deal with it. Move on.

How? You say.

First, acceptance. That's the truth, the reality of things. Your heart is broken, you've been hurt. There is a physical pain in your chest and it sometimes feel like you may be having a heart attack, but yes, acknowledge the fact that it hurts and that you have been rejected. Pamper yourself and don't waste away your time and resources. Take baby steps. One foot in front of the other. You'll eventually work things out and start feeling normal again.

Then, feel safe knowing that this happens to around 90% of the population. Almost everyone I know have suffered the pain of an unrequited love at least once in their lives. Don't think that there's a problem with you or that something is wrong with you. Sometimes, people don't just feel the "zing" for you even though they've rocked your world.

Assess your past. If you've constantly fallen for people who don't love you back, ask yourself, Am I doing this on purpose? Is there a pattern? Check if in the past, you've contantly chosen people whom you know will just reject you or wont love you back.

With this, know that you are not the only one hurting. Studies have shown that the people who rejected love felt guilty and responsible for how the other person felt. And this, my friend, is why your beloved may feel it very difficult to tell you up front that she doesn't love you. Not the way you want her to.

Posted by GingerFerrer 07:05 Archived in Philippines Tagged waterfalls friend love women lgbt friendzone unrequited_love Comments (0)

I โค Davao

What to do in Davao? EAT EAT EAT!

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Travelling for business can also be a pleasure ... especially for your tastebuds!

I visited the lovely Davao City and fell in love. My friends from Davao would usually boast how the people there are more disciplined than most, that the city was clean, no smoking policy was being implemented and followed by citizens, low crime rate, friendly and helpful people. They were absolutely right!

From the moment I stepped on Davao soil, I was impressed. They had an efficient airport system. Though my flight was delayed (2x mind you), it was easy breezy from touchdown onwards. My boss had me picked up from the airport and there was no traffic encountered even though I arrived at 7:40pm. Had I been in Manila, i would have gotten home past 11pm. But, this was Davao, and it took 15 minutes to get to the staff house at Woodridge. 1 point for Davao. 0 for Manila.

I was able to try a variety of restaurants and they were all superb. Value for money is at 10/10. Everything seemed cheaper to me in the food department as I could only compare it to the prices in Manila. Our group meals bill roughly amounted to only 60% of what we would have paid for the same amount of food back home. Some of these nice restos were Cocos, Hukad and Blue Posts Boiling Crabs and Lobsters. What I liked most about Blue Posts was that they let you write on the walls and ceilings. It brought back memories of highschool. ๐Ÿ˜

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We also visited a lovely place called Hilltop View Restaurant. They had small nipa huts set on ledge of a breath taking view of the city. The food was great. We ordered the boodle meal which had inihaw na tilapia, sisig, inihaw na liempo, sinigang na hipon and barbeque. Again, value for money was 10/10.

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Another 10/10 item here was the mango cake by Rosarios. Absolute mango cream heaven goodness.

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We also visited the Philippine Eagle Center, home of the Philippine Eagle. I was happy to find out that a lot of big companies sponsored the upkeep and maintenance of our national bird.

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I would definitely return to Davao to experience more of the rich culture and delectable foodies. Hopefully, when I return, I'd be with someone I have in mind now. We'll see what happens. ๐Ÿ˜€

Posted by GingerFerrer 07:41 Archived in Philippines Tagged food philippines mindanao davao philippine_eagle Comments (0)

Feeling the Vibes with Viber

Davao City...

Lying alone in my room. Clasping my phone in my left hand. My right hand running though my hair.

  • ding ding!*

There goes the viber alert ... again. I smile and look at the screen. Yup, it's her. I felt like an idiot because I couldn't stop checking my phone every few minutes. Type, type, type. I typed in my reply too fast that i deleted a couple of words and re-typed. I didnt want to appear overly eager (though I really was).

I wasn't really into the whole cyber-friends / online friends or stuff like that. But this is turning out to be kinda like the real thing.

I was fooling around one day and decided to check out some dating sites which were LGBT friendly. I came across Mingle2, got intrigued, signed up and started browsing through profiles.

I got to know this cute girl using the nomer "jomsxxx" or joms. We started chatting and hit it off. We could talk about a wide range of topics and the first time she called me up, i heard her voice and I got hooked on her. There was something about the way she talks that was so sensual and so real.

We've known each other for about a month and continue to talk more and grow closer each day.

I never thought I'd be so into someone like this. Like yeah, i've had a couple of heartbreaks and a lot of relationships in the past. Heck, I just got out of one long, winding and stagnant relationship, but this one with joms feels so different. It feels so raw. So much power.

I want to see how this plays out. I wanna see if she will reciprocate what I think I am feeling for her. I'm sensing good vibes from this, and I hope things pan out just right.

Posted by GingerFerrer 03:34 Archived in Philippines Tagged women online cyber lgbt viber Comments (0)

Be Still, My Daughters' Heart

A mothers' plea to a fifteen year old

Dearest Daughter,

You'll never know how much I love you.

Since the day I first knew you existed, I loved you. I carried you in my womb for 8 months and when I finally got to hold you in my arms, I loved you even more. I wish I could have enjoyed you more when you were younger, but I was rash and stupid back then. I preferred to be off on my own while your aunts mainly had the role of raising you.

I can't help but wonder if it is my fault that you're acting this way now because I wasn't the perfect mother for you. I was more of a friend rather than a mom, and I guess that's why you sometimes dismiss the lessons I try to teach you.

My dear daughter, you are still young, way too young to fully understand love. I know you feel that this guy is the one for you. He isn't, there will be many more guys like him, some who will be better than him, and yet still some who will be worse than him. Do not think that this is the one chace you have at love, because love comes in many forms and intesities.

You ignore my words, probably thinking "What the hell do you know" or " I am not like you"... But the truth is, my dear daughter, I do know what I'm taking about, and you are too much like me that it scares the living hell out of me to think of the things you are capable of doing. I have told you war stories of my previous relationships, and opened up my heart for you to see the scars. I told you how it feels like this guy or that guy may feel like he is the one. You'd feel that a couple of times before you finally meet the real deal you know?

Life is going to throw some big ass issues your way, and top it off with love issues for good measure. You will have a lot on your plate by the time you enter the real world. Remember that people will come and go in your life, it's up to you whom you will choose to stay with you. Don't hold on to the first random guy who will tell you he loves you. Not everyone who says it actually means it. Most guys your age will try to get into your pants but please think before you do something you might regret.

This is the only way I can protect you, to share my nuggets of wisdom to you. Please listen before it's too late.

Posted by GingerFerrer 05:47 Archived in Philippines Tagged people children family women daughter mom_tips love_tips teenage_love Comments (0)

Dear Roomie ...

Pakiusap galing sa baguhan sa room-sharing

sunny

Dear Roomie,

Halos tatlong linggo palang tayo magkakilala, pero parang ang dami ko na'ng alam tungkol sayo. Mula sa eating habits, sex life, love life at hanggang sa movie choices mo. Pa'no ko ba naman hindi malalaman, eh dinig na dinig ko lahat. Kahit na di ko sinasadya makinig, eh "no choice" ako kungdi marinig lahat ng mga ginagawa mo sa kabilang side ng ating munting kwarto. Baka nakakalimutan mo lang, kaya ireremind sana kita, may ka-share ka sa partition, nandito lang ako sa kabilang side ng heavy drapes na naghahati ng kwarto natin.

May mga ipapakiusap sana ako sayo roomie eh. Sana mapagbigyan mo ako. Inilista ko nalang para di ko makalimutan at para may reference ka rin.

1. Chew with your mouth closed. - Matagal na itinuro ito sa atin ng ating mga magulang, mga bata palang tayo. Dapat kung naging makakalimutin ka man, di mo kinalimutan ang proper etiquette sa pag kain. Nabobother lang ako, kasi sa lakas ng sounds na pinoproduce ng bibig mo pag kumakain ka, akala ko minsan eh nagmimilagro kayo ng boyfriend mo. Either way, kung ano man yung nagproproduce ng sound na yun, eh napaka unpleasant. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na napaka poised ko kumain, or may set up ka ng formal table setting at naka evening gown ka pag kakain ka, ang pakiusap ko lang ay isara ang bibig habang ngumunguya. PLEASE.

2. Say "Excuse Me". - You say excuse me to apologize kapag may nagawa kang medyo embarrassing or impolite, like burping, hiccuping, or sneezing. Or kapag mag didisagree ka sa sinasabi ng ibang tao. I am leaning more towards the burping part. Ang sarap ng kain nyo ni BF ng lechon manok, or sinigang, amoy na amoy ko sa kwarto (BTW, thank you ha, nakakalanghap ako ng lechon manok habang kumakain ako ng tuna. Sarap! Parang lechon manok na rin ang kinakain ko). Pero pag tapos nyo kumain, parang may burping contest kayo ni BF, at walang nag e-"excuse me" sa inyong dalawa. Subukan mong gawin yan pag kaharap mo ang mommy ko, makakatikim ka ng matalim na tingin, at pag inulit mo, may pingot ka sa patilya.

3. Magpatugtog pag may milagrong gagawin. - Parang gusto ko minsan ako nalang ang magpatugtog ng malakas pag naririnig ko kayo ng BF mo. GIven na yan roomie eh, sino ba naman ang gustong makarinig ng inyong mga sensual sounds diba? Siguro kung may fetish ang roommate mo at natuturn on sa mga sounds na ganyan eh sige, by all means, moan and groan all you want. Pero kung hindi naman, eh pakiusap lang, drown out the sounds. PLEASE. Nakakabastos na nga yung fact na 3 girls tayo sa room, at ikaw lang ang bukod tangi na nag uuwi ng boyfriend, na nagsstay sa room for 3-4 days at a time per week, pero para iparinig mo pa sa amin yung ginagawa nyo sa gabi at sa madaling araw eh sobra ka na. Hindi kaya ng earphones ko takpan ang sounds nyo eh. PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE.

4. Kung ayaw mo pa matulog, magpatulog ka. - Naiintindihan ko na iba-iba talaga tayo ng schedule, at dahil fixed ang work hours ko sa 8:45 to 6:00PM eh gusto ko sana, mga 10:00PM eh nagpapahinga na ako. More often than not, kapag sa iyo naka-schedule si BF mo, ang ingay ng arrival nyo. Kulang nalang eh banda. Okay lang yung usual sounds, pag bukas ng cabinet, pag lapag ng gamit, pag prepare ng kakainin... pero yung walang humpay na inarte mo kay BF tungkol sa pagseselos mo at pagtatago ng BF mo, nakakasawa na. Normal lang magselos roomie, pero minsan gusto na kita i-umpog sa pader dahil may rason ka talaga mag selos, pero tuloy parin ang pakikisama mo sa BF mo. Panay ang away nyo pag ayaw nya sagutin phone nya pag nandyan sya sayo, di mo alam may FB pala sya pero sabi nya sa kapatid nyang account yun, mag aaway kayo pag ikaw ang matagal sumagot ng phone mo, lalo na at hindi mo man lang mahawakan ang "apple phone" ni BF na ikaw ang bumili. Hindi ko pakikialaman ang desisyon mong maging tanga sa lovelife mo roomie, pero kung itutuloy mo yan, sana respetuhin mo rin and desisyon ko na matulog by 10:00PM. Pwede naman din kayo mag share ni BF ng earphones, or pwede rin kayo gumamit ng splitter for earphones na jack. Yun eh kung manonood lang talaga kayo ha. Pag may gagawin kayong related sa number 3, mag sounds kayo kung hindi kaya gawin ng tahimik. Nagsasawa na rin kase ako makinig sa mga robin padilla at FPJ movies na paborito ng BF mo.

Apat na kahilingan lang yan roomie. Sana kahit isa eh mapagbigyan mo ako.

Take care always! mwah mwah!

Yours truly,

Ginger

Posted by GingerFerrer 03:04 Archived in Philippines Tagged love women dubai etiquette relationships roommate Comments (0)

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